I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
