I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
