I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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