i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
