Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know her cup size but not her name....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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