NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
