3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
