Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
