What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
