So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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