I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
