I met the friendliest cop last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
