You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
