walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's shark week go big or go home
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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