She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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