We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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