fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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