My nipple is on Facebook.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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