She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
