Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
