What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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