the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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