I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
