i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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