Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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