your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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