I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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