i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
