my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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