all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
