you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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