Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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