3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
