If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
