..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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