i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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