lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
