Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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