found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
