Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
