NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
