I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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