I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
