I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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