If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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