he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
