this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
