If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
