I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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