What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You're like the curious george of whores
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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