You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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