dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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