im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
