Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
