I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
