just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
