Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I only lived at night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
