Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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